Emna, Tunisia.

A lot can change in three years. I felt on top of my game when I got hired for my dream job, only to learn that it was never a fit for me. After finally settling into the city, I find my friend exploring the idea of moving out to cute little farm town in the South of the country. There was peace in most places in the world, where now we see wars escalating day by day.

Maybe it is just life moving, maybe it is your 30’s where you try to make the best choices for the dream picture of your life. As an ordinary human being, I do not like change too much. But I do like to see how I am at a point in life where I am fully conscious while making the next step. It is no longer like when you are a kid, where others decide for you. It is nothing like being a teenager, where you think you know what you are doing, but don’t oversee the full impact that your actions on the long run of your life. Probably I will laugh at myself when I am in my 40’s, but for now I can tell that lessons from the past and dreams for the future come together, and I have a full control over reshaping how the upcoming years will look like.

At the same time I have to say, that more and more I am learning, that all choices you make in life come with cons. It is the responsibility you take for your actions, saying yes and no at the same time.

The people I am interviewing for this series, made a step that I was never bold enough for to take. They said yes to an adventure, yes to a dream, to a feeling of liberty. And no to a family that wishes to keep them close by. And with that, they inspire me. For the first portrait in this series, I am meeting with my dear friend Emna. As always, it is nice catching up with the IT-girl that enlightened pretty much every party the moment she stepped foot on Dutch ground. ‘I was ready to live to the fullest!’ she shared, with the same big smile I see every time I meet with her.

How it started

It did not came as a surprise to Emna’s family that she went abroad. ‘Already as a kid, I knew that I was going to travel. I have always been interested in different cultures, I wanted to see more of the world.’ Her first time experiencing new lifestyles was during her college time in Tunis. By then, she is 23. Being only three hours away from home, she was suddenly surrounded by people from all over the country, who spoke not only in different dialects, but also spoke their thoughts more openly then what she was used to. ‘My time with them changed me, in a way that I got even more unbiased towards people.’

Even though she grew up in one of the bigger cities of Tunisia, the way she was raised was more conservative then what you would see in the capital. The city had adapted to the needs of the mostly elderly people, who held their own standards on what was considered “right” or “normal”, and left only little things to do for kids and teens like Emna. ‘Our way of going out was meeting at each other’s houses.’

Today, about 7 years after she left, it is not easy to make a comparison between Amsterdam and her hometown. ‘Now, there are bars, clubs… The new generation is different, and with that, the city is changing.’

Settling in Amsterdam

It took Emna one holiday to know immediately that Amsterdam was going to be the place where she was going to live one day. It was the tranquillity that Paris did not have, it was the endless possibilities of entertainment she could not find in Barcelona. But most of all it was the large group of internationals that made her feel home. ‘In here, I never feel lonely.’

Honestly, if I should have one concern about Emna, it will not ever be her ending up lonely. It is a combination of an open-minded curiosity in her character and the Tunisian warmth that runs through her veins that make it easy for her to connect with anybody. When she moved here, it took her only a few weeks for everybody on the campus to know her name. Her apartment in that building may be considered as the best “Welcome to Amsterdam”-gift she received. She laughs thinking back on how she joined every party that was being hosted in there: ‘Imagine, students, young professionals, people from all over the world were there. I loved it!’

From party girl to party mom

While the new generation is continuing to put their mark on the development of her home town, also Emna’s life has changed. Three years after coming to Amsterdam, she is now the happy mom of happy Zayn. She proudly tells me about her new bike, with which she drives him to daycare, and it fills me with excitement seeing her becoming so Dutch.

Before this little bulb of joy, she never faced the downsides of making Amsterdam her new home. But it is being a mom that confronts her with the causes of her decision. Ofcourse there is her missing her family to guide her into her role as a mother, but even more there is the doubt about how to raise her son. In a home where three cultures come together, which values does she pass on to him? Which language does she speak with him at the dinner table? And to who’s advice does she listen when she asks people to think along on her most important question: what do I need to do now, to make the life of my kid most easy in the future?  ‘You know, in Tunisia, we are more in touch with our feelings. If your baby cries, your mother heart cries too, so you pick him up and care for him. While in here, the doctor tells me I can let him cry himself to sleep.’ She shakes her head with full shock: ‘I cannot!’

Identity

What makes it even more challenging raising her son, is that her international experience makes her struggle with her own identity. While not feeling Dutch, she also no longer feels fully Tunisian. ‘People cannot imagine this happening after a few years, but I cannot help that this is how I am feeling right now’. Our conversation shifts to a more philosophical discussion, where she shares with me that she believes that in the future, maybe 50 years from now, there will not be such things as borders anymore. She points at the pizzeria across the street, and starts naming all the nationalities that are part of her friend group: ‘You don’t need to travel anymore to experience something different. Everything, everybody is already everywhere.’

We agree that in the end, it counts most who you are as a person. We all grow up with norms, standards and expectations from our families and peer-groups, but then we all reach this moment in life where we question what works for us as an individual. That is why it is important to look beyond culture. For Emna, she takes in the challenge by focussing on staying true to herself, as somebody who opens up for new things, and then decides if she copies, ignores or gives her own little twist to it. ‘It is important to think for yourself. And to see what works for you. We need to understand that something that works for you, not automatically works for the other person. And that should be okay.’

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