Dareen, Belly Dance.

I was not planning to write an article about feminism. Actually, it is one of the subjects that I know only so little about, so what do I have to say? It’s a subject of which my family claims they support it, but whenever I talk about it, I’m kindly asked to keep the peace, which is their way of telling me to shut up. The moment we talk about how women face inequality in daily life, something in the room changes: then all of a sudden it’s a subject that is only supported by women who hate men, angry lesbians or ugly women who lack attention. We raise our girls more and more with the message that we have a voice, but God forbid that society puts her in any of these boxes (or in the forth and worst one: an ugly attention-seeking lesbian who hates men…). How likely will she get married?

This article was supposed to be about dance, the very first in a series of inspiring dancers, choreographers and teachers that I’m meeting along the way. When I met Dareen, I was looking forward to hear stories about how she used to dance down the streets of pre-war Damascus, go down the markets to shop for new scarfs, and practised new shimmies with her sisters in front of the mirror before diving into the colourful nightlife.

But her story was not like this: in fact it was more deep and her ambitions reached higher. ‘I want to increase the feeling of solidarity between woman,’ she shared. ‘Women are always in competition with each other. And society is loving the drama of it. But I would love to create a space where women can feel welcome, be themselves and feel supported by the women around them. We have a world to win when it comes to this.’

It is an ambition of many of us, we can all name at least one project that is contributing to this goal. Lots of women – and men, let me here take a moment to thank every man who speaks up for equal rights –  use their voices and talents to advocate for their sisters, rather it’s by film & media, in politics, business, law, or low profile like just being a good partner or friend.

And then there is Dareen, who has her own instrument: belly dance.

Everything starts with a heartbeat

Dareen’s journey in the world of dance and feminism start on the exact same moment. At the age of 3 she sees a belly dancer performing on the tv. With big eyes of curiosity and the heartbeat that she can still feel when she thinks back of this moment, the little girl starts following the movements. The eyes of her mom get as big as hers, and we can only imagine her joy when she sees her daughter enjoying and exploring something that is marked so deep into the culture that belly dance classes are not considered to be a thing. Yet, the tv is switched off a second later.

Because there is no pride. What is there to cheer for, when using your body to express, entertain or enjoy, not only harms the reputation of you and your family, but also increases the chance of becoming a victim of sexual assault? But try to explain that to a girl who just discovered something that makes her eyes sparkle. The midway: ‘You are only allowed to dance in front of family. And never in something that is less than a dress.’

It was enough support for Dareen to give space for her desire to move. Let her also be lucky enough to come from a family that is big enough for a bunch of – close to weekly – birthday parties and other celebrations. So dancing she did. And slowly from boredom of doing the same movements over and over, the sharp eye of a choreographer got created. Why not make the movements bigger, why not make a combo that we can repeat every time we hear the chorus? From there, all she needed were some from time to time inspirations from tv-performances that she could add to her vocabulary. Dareen was unstoppable. Yet, shimmies were safely kept as a secret within the four walls.

Facing injustice

Now, as being a Western-European woman, I don’t understand the contradiction of shaming body expression on one hand, but on the other hand showing it on television. During the holy celebration of Eid el Fitr there are tv-specials, where the dancer performs a by her choreographed dance, in which she represents a country and the audience can guess which country it is. I can’t help but imagine how kids enjoy this as a game, women keep the peace by playing along, and men finally lay back in their chairs and enjoy their porn without feeling scared of being caught by their wives.

Seeing injustice against women while growing up, shaped Dareen’s view on the world. ‘I’m already behind on life, just because I am a woman’. All she wanted to do was dance, but being an out in the open belly dancer, is like an out of the closet feminist. ‘The men in my culture love belly dance, but they would never marry a belly dancer,’ Dareen confesses to me. But let marriage not be something she admires. ‘In every relationship there is a curtain present power. Rather it is “the man of the house” or the dominatrix, we should be aware that always one holds power. And I don’t want to be in that.’ I could hear the conviction in in her voice, one that is focussed on taking full control by being the best partner she can be for herself. Everything around her screams that she doesn’t believe in competition, the only battle she accepts is the one with her past self.

Select. Invest. Grow.

After coming to The Netherlands, she used her energy to invest in the things that are important for her. She used her background as a journalist to create a platform where she informs her audience about topics like misogyny and femicide, and dedicates the following three years to perfectionate her craft as a belly dancer. It is already by then that she had learned that there actually is something like teaching dance. ‘While I was dancing, this girl walked up to me and asked me who was my dance teacher. “What do you mean?” I asked her. “In my country, we just come together and dance”.’ She shares that back at home, there is not even such a thing as dancing in front of a mirror. When she sees my raised eyebrows she explains: ‘We just dance together and can tell from the cheering around us if we dance good. Or we complement each other.’ Even when she decided to focus on becoming a professional teacher, she did not consider buying a mirror. ‘I have my camera. I record myself and watch it back.’ Up until today she does not enjoy mirrors. ‘Dance is all about getting out of your head and into your body. If you are used to only dance while you’re seeing yourself, how will you feel confident to dance around people?’

Watch. Copy. Reflect. Repeat. That is Dareen’s way. There is a countless amount of movies and clips she has watched and embodied. ‘Belly dance is very rich, every country gave their own special twists to the style. And just think about the tribes in the Middle East and South America, we can learn so much from them! I want to learn everything, and include them into my choreographies’.

Focussing on the dream

These choreographies start with thinking of which movements she wants to teach to her students. Then, the music is selected. ‘The beats for the beginners need to be slower, with more repetitions, so that it becomes predictable for them. That’s how they will feel confident with performing the combo. For advanced students, we can do more up-speed music for faster movements and more difficult combinations’. It can be hard to tell a story through the choreographies that she is teaching, because the time in the studio is limited. But her inner artist is already preparing for including storytelling into her choreo’s that she will teach ones she opens her own studio: ‘My first choreo will be about how Cinderella is a scam!’

By building her dancing business, she hopes to make more women connect through dance. For her, the changes that women need to be full-fledged citizens will not come from society, because in the end it benefits from keeping women in a lower position. But by making women experience what it truly means to be part of a sisterhood, we can change the society. ‘A lot can change in ten years, imagine fifty years. We are on the right path when it comes to loving our own bodies and seeing that we need the women around us. Dance can play a big part in the next steps we need to take.’

Those steps include connecting with women who look, think or act different then ourselves. ‘It is good to find your own group of people that share the same things with you, but to really grow as a civilization, we need to learn how to be in the room with not-likeminded people, and challenge ourselves to approach and connect, instead of hiding ourselves in the bathroom with jealousy, or searching for confrontation by gossip or bitch-fights’. She pauses for a second and then looks back at me with the full conviction I’ve seen in her eyes multiple times in the last few hours: ‘If we feel the urge of getting some confrontation, let us confront our own ego.’

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